Posts under - Happiness & Humor 
Blog Home
  Computer Jokes
A project manager, a computer programmer and a computer operator are driving down the road when the car they are in gets a flat tire. The three men try to solve the problem.

The project manager said: "Let's catch a cab and in ten minutes we'll reach our destination."

The computer programmer said: "We have here the driver's guide. I can easily replace the flat tire and continue our drive."

The computer operator said: "First of all, let's turn off the engine and turn it on again. Maybe it will fix the problem."

Suddenly a Microsoft software engineer passed by and said: "Try to close all windows, get off the car, and then get in and try again."

---------------------------------------------------

A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Departmental Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers,... Read Full Post

Posted by Rajiv on Friday, August 24, 2007 at 06:08-PM under Happiness & Humor
Post Comments (0) Back to Top


  Software Development Cycle
  1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.
  2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.
  3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs.
  4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discovers 15 new bugs.
  5. Repeat three times steps 3 and 4.
  6. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.
  7. Users find 137 new bugs.
  8. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found.
  9. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.
  10. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits.
  11. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs.
  12. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires a programmer to redo program from scratch.
  13. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free...
Posted by Rajiv on Thursday, July 05, 2007 at 02:19-PM under Happiness & Humor
Post Comments (0) Back to Top


  Why Client Server Computing is like Teenage Sex
  •  It is on everybody's mind all the time.
  •  Everyone is talking about it all the time.
  •  Everyone thinks everyone else is doing it.
  •  Almost no one is really doing it.
  •  The few who are doing it are:
       doing it poorly;
       sure it will be better next time;
       not practicing it safely.
Posted by Rajiv on Thursday, July 05, 2007 at 11:10-AM under Happiness & Humor
Post Comments (0) Back to Top


  Are Computers Men or Women?
A language teacher was explaining to her class that in French, nouns unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.

"House" in French, is feminine -"la maison," "Pencil" in French, is masculine "le crayon."

One puzzled student asked, "What gender is computer?" The teacher did not know, and the word was not in her French dictionary.

So for fun she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender and asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The men's group decided that computer should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because

  1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic 
  2. The native language they use to communicate... Read Full Post
Posted by Rajiv on Monday, May 07, 2007 at 03:15-PM under Happiness & Humor
Post Comments (0) Back to Top


  Programming Languages are Like Cars

Assembler: A formula I race car. Very fast but difficult to drive and maintain.
FORTRAN II: A Model T Ford. Once it was the king of the road.
FORTRAN IV: A Model A Ford.
FORTRAN 77: a six-cylinder Ford Fairlane with standard transmission and no seat belts.
COBOL: A delivery van. It's bulky and ugly but it does the work.
BASIC: A second-hand Rambler with a rebuilt engine and patched upholstery. Your dad bought it for you to learn to drive. You'll ditch it as soon as you can afford a new one.
PL/I: A Cadillac convertible with automatic transmission, a two-tone paint job, white-wall tires, chrome exhaust pipes, and fuzzy dice hanging in the windshield.
C++:... Read Full Post

Posted by Rajiv on Monday, May 07, 2007 at 12:10-PM under Happiness & Humor
Post Comments (0) Back to Top


  Life Before the Computer

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!

Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 ½ inch floppy
You hoped nobody found out!

Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for awhile!

Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad... Read Full Post

Posted by Rajiv on Monday, May 07, 2007 at 10:14-AM under Happiness & Humor
Post Comments (0) Back to Top


Recent Blog Posts
Show All Posts



© Copyright 2009 All rights reserved, Rajiv Sharma
Home | Contact Me | Sitemap | Privacy Notice & Disclaimer
Visitor's IP Address:
107.23.176.162